moi unspoken words

i feel so hurt and rejected, after what he had done to me.. Guys promises are all lies but i dunno why i still lik a fool to believe wadever he says, why am i so stupid to believe wat he says? After the first lesson, i still did not put my defence against him but still allow him to get into my life and disrupt me once again. I swear that i will never see him again but deep inside mny heart i desire and really hope to see him once again just a glance also can. I dunno why am i so stupid to harbour all these thoughts after wat he had says, i dunno wat i should do.. i feel so lost and confused, wat the fuck everyone just treat mii lik trash or a ball being kicked around. Even sometimes my closest friend will also gossip or insult mii, although i dun show it in my appearance but actually deep inside my hearts hurts alot. Noone knows wat i am really thinking or feeling deep inside, they thought i am the type that happy goes lucky but sometime although i look strong but actually i am very weak inside.. I just feel so useless after all these years i have spentg, i thought i have overcome all guys hurt but the fact is the wound still hurts, all the thing is still stuck in my heart and brain not easy to be erased. Am i so irritating that whoebver is with mi will just leave mii in the end. Will i find someone that will loves and cares for mii and just purely love mii but not for anything. Everynight i will calm down and think but i will get the same answer in the end.. and burst into tears, although i look happy but actually it hurts alot deep inside.. sometimes i feel lik going crazy soon but i still hide all my feelings inside my heart, i dunno when can i vent all my feelings out and not bottled it anymore.. i still connot find someone to really confide in, Cheeping is always busy with her school projects, and have nt much time to spent with mii.. i wonder why am i so foolish to accept to his request even though i know tthat we will not have any happy ending.. i wan2 forget him but the hurt that he give mii has already leave a scar in moii heart.